Scissors, Sickness, Stroke(?)

On Wednesday, Sydney and I stayed home. I didn't sleep too good the night before as I was coming down with a bad cold and she had been coughing for most of the night with her asthma. We took my mother-in-law's dog to the vet and we came home where I went to bed. Now normally I can do this with no problem! Not this Wednesday! I awoke to find my beautiful little girl's long locks, GONE! She cut her hair around her face so much so that I had to have the rest cut up to her shoulders to even it out and look ok. You may be thinking, "Why did she leave the scissors where Sydney could reach them?" And the answer would be that I didn't! They were up high in a cabinet. She had to climb into the computer chair and onto the desk to reach them! I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry, I couldn't even get upset, I was in shock! It looks cute on her now, but at the time, I just couldn't imagine. I also got the phone call that evening that Sydney had been chosen to be in the Little King and Queen Pageant in October!

By Thursday, I was sick! S-I-C-K, SICK! My sinuses and allergies had kicked in full blast and all I could do at that point was blow my nose, cough and be miserable. (Still feeling lousy today.) Friday was a little better. The kids stayed at Sister's house and Chris camped out by our house with some of the boys from our youth group and played paintball. I went out to the site for a little bit Friday then went home to crash. I took the kids out there Saturday morning after picking them up.

Saturday at about 5:00, my step-brother called me from McClenny to tell me that my mom was at the hospital and they think that she had a stroke. We quickly made arrangements for the kids and were on our way by 6:00. When we got to the hospital where they had taken her, an RN told us that they had just taken her to another hospital in JAX. We went to her house and found my step-brother and he had just found this out right before we pulled up. Needless to say, we high-tailed it to the other hospital.

Mama was doing good when we got there. She was still in the ER waiting to go to a room but was in good spirits. It was after midnight before they got her to her room and we decided we would stay at her house rather than drive 2 to 3 hours to get home. It was a long night! As of yesterday, they still don't know for sure if she had a stroke, they found some blockage in the arteries in her neck, and they were running all kinds of other tests and doing an MRI. They were taking her to do an echo-gram this morning and they still don't know if she will be released today. Chris and I came home last night and the kids and I are now waiting to see what happens today and whether or not we go back today or wait until tomorrow.

Bittersweet

Today was a fun day for me. It was also kinda sad too. I went to the kid's school this morning and helped them with pictures. They had the 'Lil Angels photography come in and take picture of the kids dressed up. They all did so good! The sad part was when it was Sydney's turn. She graduates this year from pre-k and she had her cap and gown picture taken. I teared up when it was her turn to don the cap and gown. So bittersweet.

Busy Weekend

Easter weekend was a busy one around our house. I helped to build the screen that was used in the sunrise service for the music, we went to the Easter Fun Day that our church as well as 3 others put on and then there was Easter.

We had such a good time at the egg hunt and the kids really liked the skit that the youth put on about the Crucifixion then and now, Sydney especially. It is heartwarming to hear my kids tell the story behind Easter Sunday. They begin together and tell you that the bad men killed Jesus on a cross where he bled. Then they put him in a cave and put a big rock in front of it. Three days later, the big rock had been moved and Jesus was gone cause he was in Heaven with God. I can't do their version justice here, they tell it much better.

Eye Troubles

Today started out OK, then my eye started to hurt. I took out my contacts, flushed my eye and still, it wasn't any better. I think that I may have scratched my eye. I had trouble driving to the kids school for TJ's Easter egg hunt and I called to have someone pick us up. My Daddy has been off all week turkey hunting so he picked us up.

I left my van at church so that Chris could pick it up on his way home. I took the keys inside and left them for him (the other key was lost so we only have the one set). When we got to my house, I realized that my house keys were at church! Lucky for me we have a spare... Unlucky for my Daddy, it was under our porch where it had fell a month or so ago.

If my eye is still bothering me tomorrow, Chris said he would take me to the doctor.

Ch-Ch-Cha-Changes

I really like this new look! It really suits me I think.

It has been a busy weekend for our household! Chicken dinner Friday, Game Nite Friday night, family reunion Saturday and a birthday party right after the reunion. It's no wonder that we all slept late on Sunday morning and missed Sunday School! That's ok though, we don't make a habit of missing, so every once in a while is excusable.

Sydney's class and I went to see, "Horton Hears a Who" today. It was a really cute movie! Afterwards, the parents hid Easter eggs at school and then watched as the kids ran around squealing as they found the 'hundreds' of eggs that were hidden. (There really weren't that many, maybe a hundred, but not hundreds.) I had a good time. I missed out on it last year so this was rewarding for me. Thursday is TJ's egg hunt and I have been asked to assist with it as well.

Depression

Depression is one of the most horrible things!

Depression

Also called: Clinical depression, Dysthymic disorder, Major depressive disorder, Unipolar depression

Depression is a serious medical illness that involves the brain. It's more than just a feeling of being "down in the dumps" or "blue" for a few days. If you are one of the more than 20 million people in the United States who have depression, the feelings do not go away. They persist and interfere with your everyday life. Symptoms can include

• Sadness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Change in weight
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping
• Energy loss
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Depression can run in families, and usually starts between the ages of 15 and 30. It is much more common in women. Women can also get postpartum depression after the birth of a baby. Some people get seasonal affective disorder in the winter. Depression is one part of bipolar disorder.

There are effective treatments for depression, including antidepressants and talk therapy. Most people do best by using both.

-National Institute of Mental Health

I suffer from hereditary depression. It began after the birth of my second child and spiraled downward affecting my family before I finally sought help. Things got really bad here. I let the bills go, let my self go, slept all the time, showed no interest in things that I once loved. I hurt my family even though my kids don't understand they just know that Mommy was sick and that she has to take medicine to help her feel better all the time and sometimes she cries a lot and sometimes she gets mad real easy. I kept it from everyone including my husband and it wasn't until I had a really bad episode at Christmas one year that I came out and told him that I needed help. That was the hardest thing that I have ever done! I struggle with it everyday and I have figured out that I may never be able to come off my medication. It's hard to live with and it can be even harder when people that you love and trust, not my family, who don't realize what you suffer with everyday think they know what is best for you and talk down to you. That is very painful.

Today and yesterday have been bad days for me. You might not know it if you see me, I hide it that well, but if you really look into my eyes and listen to my conversation, you may get an idea of when I am having a rough day. I don't like to share my problems, never have. Some days I want so desperately to talk to someone, but I get scared, I feel like I have no one that I can talk to and I don't want to burden others with my problems when they probably have enough of their own. You may say, "Well, what about a counselor?" and I would tell you, I can't afford to see one. I can barely afford my medicine sometimes. It hurts. It really does and it is really hard for me to post this, but I need to. I need to have an outlet and this seems to be a good one.

I pray about it, but I still feel the overwhelming sense of dread. The anxiety. The hurt. The frustration. Things that I am too proud to let go of. If anyone has any advice that I haven't mentioned that has seemed to work for you, PLEASE let me know. Thanks!

Blue

I'm kinda feeling down and out tonight. Not a lot to talk about. I did see these messages on a church sign today though:

The only thing that you can give and still keep is your word.

Trade God your weaknesses for His strength.

I thought those were pretty good.

Define the Word Hate...

I hate my sinus problems! I hate Sydney's allergies! I love the weather in the Spring and the Fall, but I hate what it does to Sydney and I. (Listen to me, "I hate, I hate, I hate...) Hate is such a strong word. The definition for hate is:

verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun –verb (used with object)

1.	to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.

2.	to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.

–verb (used without object)

3.	to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.

–noun

4.	intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

5.	the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

I don't use it very often, but when I do, it is something that I feel strongly about. (Just thought I'd throw in a vocabulary lesson while I was ranting...)

I am anxiously awaiting the call about the Little King & Queen pageant results. They are supposed to call us to let us know if Sydney was chosen to be in it. This is the first time that I know of that they aren't letting you sign up and be in it, but are letting you know if you were chosen. Thursday is the deadline to sign up. Wish us luck! (I am not in this for her to win and spring to victory and enter every pageant out there, this is for her to make friends, have fun and be able to do something exciting.)

Well, I gotta get the list printed out for FAITH and get us ready to go to church. Bye for now!

Ready for Camp

Getting excited about summer camp with the youth this year!We are going to Ridgecrest, NC. I haven't been but Chris has twice to NC and I went when they went to Panama City Beach, FL. Being from Florida, it was hot and nothing really out of the ordinary. Everyone says that Ridgecrest is the best camp though. I can't wait. My in-laws are going to watch the kids for us so we can take them too. We took them without help to PCB when TJ was a year old and that was bad! The long days, early mornings and little time for naps wore me out and the kids and drove Chris and I up the wall! Not to say that we didn't have a GREAT time, but with 2 little ones, we should have asked for more help.

We have a chicken dinner this Friday to continue help raising money for the kids to go. Chris and I have paid up but we still need to try to raise a little more so that we will have spending money for us and the kids. We have the best chicken dinner sales and everyone in the county loves Uncle Porky's chicken and Aunt Francis' potato salad and cole slaw. (I'm big on the cole slaw myself.)

Well, gotta go check on the laundry... The chores are never ending around here!

Busy Sunday

Yesterday was such a busy day that when we finally got home from church last night I was so tired that I could hardly go and was in bed before 10:00! I haven't been to bed that early since I was sick.

We went to church, then the kids and I went to a birthday party while Chris stayed at church for skit practice. The kids and I got back at 4:45 just in time to get ready for AWANA and hanging out in the youth room. Chris and I jumped rope and played tug-of-war with the youth and I along with the other youth leaders, Toni, Tracy and Sarah hoola hooped! I haven't done any of those activities in YEARS. I am quite sore today.

We all slept in today. Sydney woke up coughing and with a stuffy nose. I believe that her allergies are kicking in now that EVERYTHING seems to be blooming. TJ is just hanging out... he's just content to watch a little TV and will probably go down for a nap soon. (I hope anyway.)

Slow Day

I feel like I got a lot accomplished today. I started cleaning out my room! It is/was awful! It's gonna take another day or so to finish sorting through everything, but hopefully I will have it done soon.

Not much else to talk about tonight. I am about to move the clocks up and then it is off to bed for me.

Wet & Wild Friday

Today was a weird day! We had some bad storms this morning that produced an F2 tornado not far from my house and I swear I heard it too! We didn't have any damage here thank goodness, I don't think that I could take anymore that what has already happened this week.

Not long after the storm passed, it was headed straight for my mom's house 2 hours away and the Weather Channel said that a tornado had touched down and her house was right in it's line of sight. I panicked and called my aunt in Georgia. She and I prayed over the phone for protection for my mom and her home. We talked about how God has really blessed her and her family lately and that since she has started to pray when storms are headed her way that God has provided protection for her family and more peace of mind for her. We hung up with each other when I was able to determine that the storm had passed my mom so that I could call to check in with her. She said that she hardly had any wind, lots of rain and a little thunder but that was it. That made me feel ten times better! I called my aunt back and we talked about how good God is! We talked for 30 minutes and both agreed that we needed to talk more often. (She has always been my favorite aunt!!)


My step-mom gave me some pictures today that my now deceased step-mom, Beth, had taken. Beth raised me from the time I was 4 until after Chris and I were married. She and my dad weren't always together, but she was always there for me. She passed away in December after having battled cancer for several months. I had lost all of my pictures when our house burnt 4 years ago, so these pictures are very special to me.

Too Early

I don't like having to get up so early :( I don't have a "job", well actually I guess I do, I have to get the kids ready so Chris can drop them off at school. But other than that, I don't have anywhere to go until just before noon on most days.

It's still too early to be up though. Sometimes I wish Chris had a job closer to home so he didn't have to leave as early. Too bad the don't have real good paying jobs here in town.

Ridin' in the Dark

Rode my bike in the dark tonight! That was interesting. I wasn't so sure that I was going to be able to get off it when I got home, much less make it up the steps. (I haven't ridden it in a WHILE)

I hate when my kids are sick. TJ has an awful cough right now and says that his head hurts. Chris is laying with him trying to get him to settle down and go to sleep. They took a nap today and it ended up being a long one cause I went to sleep too. Now, they are having trouble going to sleep.

Chris is having phone troubles. He got an HTC back in October and it was working fine up until a few weeks ago and it started locking up. He has had 3 replacement phones since (the same model) and he got one in the mail today that has already reset itself 4 times since he turned it on about 20 - 30 minutes ago! He will be going back tomorrow!

Storm Damage

Yesterday during all of the strong wind that we had, some how the kids swing set managed to flip over not once but at least three times and their trampoline was carried out into the field a good 50 yards or so behind our house! Chris' grandmother thinks that we may have had some sort of down spout (?) that carried the large toys off like that since nothing else was affected. I don't know.

Now I am a little upset. This morning the kids and Chris left earlier than usual to pick up his mom so she could ride to work with him. I left the front door open so that when they drove back by the house I could wave bye to them. That didn't happen. I know, it sounds petty, but we have a routine of saying goodbye in the mornings and I look forward the the, "bye Mommy! I Love You! Bring baby hedgehog and a snack when you pick us up!" as they drive off while blowing me kisses. Oh well, that's life in the fast lane, as my dad always says. Sometimes we just can't help what happens.

Tough Nite at Church

My stress level has gone through the roof tonight! We went to church for FAITH and I stayed to help clean up the kitchen and watch 2 boys while they waited for their moms. I also had Sydney and TJ with me. BIG, BIG, BIG mistake trying to clean, watch them, straighten up, watch them and carry on an adult conversation while watching them. All I can say is WOW.

TJ was playing on the basketball court which had a few wet patches and slide down numerous times. Then while running around the fellowship hall, he would trip and fall. In the kitchen, Sydney pushed over the stool he was sitting in and caused him to hit his head on the tile floor. Not only does he seem to be accident prone, but he's a tough little bugger! Every time he would fall, he would cry for a second then get back up and go again.

Alas, we are home, it is late, I still have a load of clothes to wash, and I am exhausted!

Early Ramblings

So, I did it. I joined Pownce and now have a couple of friends. Kinda interesting. Some people post every hour or so while others post every other day. We'll see how it goes for me.

I don't feel so good today. My sinuses are bothering me and all I want to so is curl up in bed and go back to sleep. (I may just do that)

Sydney asked me "if we have twisters in Florida?" I told her that yes sometimes there are tornadoes but not very often where we live. She seemed quite relieved and said good cause she doesn't like twisters. Silly goose...

I Love It!!

Finally! I have something that I can rag Chris, I mean Chis about! (Not to mention that I have proof!)

He was so excited to show me something new that he has been tinkering with and wants me to join also. It's called Pownce and it is a site similar to Twitter where you can update with quick notes on what you are doing throughout the day. Well, he showed it to me and then left the room. I was looking at the site, contemplating on whether or not to join when I noticed that instead of it having his name listed as Chris C. it was Chis C.! I couldn't let this slide and I went to mess with him about it and he quickly corrected his error but it was already too late! I still had the original pulled up, did a quick screen print and this is what the results are...

Love You Chis!!!

B - O - R - E - D

Slightly stir crazy, yet totally bored! That is how I would describe how I feel right now. We are having dinner at my mother-in-law's tonight so I can't start on anything here, yet we can't leave, (especially since she lives right behind me) because they aren't home.

I think that the kids and I may go outside and play a little. I need to move the swing set back to where it should be and go through all the outside toys to see which ones need to be taken off. Wish me luck!

Back at Home

Finally! After a year working for the state and being away from my kids all day, I have been able to come back home! I have been home for a couple of months now and still, I can't seem to get back into the smooth, functioning routine I once had.

My kids go to daycare for half a day and I pick them up at lunch. Sydney is in VPK and will graduate from her pre-school class this year. TJ loves his "big boy" class and can't wait to go see his buddy Morgan every day. I enjoy having the mornings to myself yet most days I can't seem to get going. I keep thinking that once I get my house organized that I will be able to get the routine up and going, but the thing is, I can't seem to get my house organized! Maybe one day it will fall into place... Maybe :)

Well, I have to go pick up my munchkins from school!